How to Ask a Girl On a Date

Are your knees weak when you talk to a girl? Do your palms get sweaty every time a cutie looks you straight in the eye? Let me tell you — that’s perfectly normal. More importantly, it’s totally fixable. If mom’s spaghetti starts showing up, though, you might be beyond help, sorry.

Dating is a tough racket, but we’re our own worst enemy most of the time.

Curing your fear of asking a girl out sometimes means getting into the right mindset. Here’s some advice on how you can achieve it.

Nobody is absolutely cool

You need to realize everyone gets nervous around people they really like. Even the most well spoken, handsome, witty, and well paid among us get the jitters when they are truly attracted to the person they’re talking to.

There is, of course, an anxiety curve. Some people feel it more, and some are just naturally more cool, calm and collected.

So, the trick is to embrace it as much as you can. The butterflies are part of the magic — it’s when the butterflies are completely gone that the real problems start.

Sure, you may think, that’s easy to say, but my anxiety levels are paralyzing. Then ask yourself — do my issues warrant professional attention? If that’s the case, don’t be afraid to seek it out.

Otherwise, stand up straight and don’t let some silly ‘feelings’ of ‘fear’ stand in between you and a dream date with your dream girl.

Have a plan ready

Sometimes, ‘Let’s go out and get a drink’ just won’t cut it. In certain situations, for certain kinds of girls, having a couple of hours planned out will be your ticket to datesville.

‘Let’s go out and see the new exhibition, and afterward, we can grab a bite to eat. I know a great Italian restaurant downtown.’ More often than not, girls will greatly appreciate you taking the initiative and paying attention to details. If she likes bike rides, go with her. If she’s a movie buff, find a niche, artsy theater. If she’s a binge drinking party animal, go to a club and get VIP bottle service.

Don’t plan out every minute and overdo it, though. Broad strokes leave room for spontaneity, and spontaneity is the heart of romance. Just make sure that the girl realizes it’s a date and not just a walk in the park with a friend.

Girls are just dudes, bro

It’s really sad, but some guys almost don’t view girls as real people. It goes both ways — some are just stupid bullies and don’t value girls’ opinions and feelings. Other guys make the opposite mistake.

They put girls on a pedestal, and they view them as these heavenly, angelic beings that are not of this world. These are the guys that find it difficult to maintain a reasonable conversation with a girl they like without getting nauseous.

They may think that they respect women, but they are completely in the wrong. Idealizing someone dehumanizes them and denies them the right to imperfection. Think of it this way — how could you take seriously a person that thinks you’re a God?

Just bear this in mind — the prettiest girls out there still get insecure and have their bugs and quirks, but they still put on their pants one leg at a time.

I’m in no way implying that you should ‘neg’ her or whatever those sleazy ‘dating coaches’ say. I’m just saying — treat them like human beings.

Try quantity over quality for a while

Some guys suffer from what I like to call ‘The One’ syndrome. They seem to think that every girl that gives them any amount of attention is their future wife.

This, of course, can’t be the case. The solution — talking to as many girls as you can.

Get on a dating app. Make a nice profile and just have at it.

And now here’s the kicker — expect more than a few rejections. Expect more than a few failed dates. Expect more than a few ghostings. Get in the mindset that you’re going through the motions.

Once you get rejected for a date enough times, you’ll cure your anxiety of talking to a girl. Once you go on enough dates, you’ll get over the illusion that every date needs to lead to something more. Once you sleep over at a girl’s house enough times, you’ll know the difference between a one night stand and a keeper.

You’ll also start realizing when it’s time to back off. And you won’t find backing off so hard because you’ll know that the next girl you find will be a fresh start.

Look ’em in the eye and be honest about your intentions

If you find yourself being ‘friendzoned’ too often, this is for you.

Some dudes seem to think that they need to agree to everything a girl is saying. That they can ‘trick’ a girl into a date by being agreeable. They can even lie about stuff they are interested in, just to keep the conversation going.

Girls are not attracted to that, and they can smell it a mile away. If they’re nice, they’ll let you know they’re not interested. If they’re mean, they’ll start treating you like their own personal butler, both emotionally and physically.

The trick is to know your own worth and what you bring to the table. If you can’t be honest about that, then your issues are deeper than just sweaty palms when talking to girls.

Let’s wrap it up

Listen, we’ve all been there. You’re a young man, and girls are on your mind at least 87% of the time. The other 13% are reserved for food and, hopefully, a dumb hobby you’re passionate about.

The overwhelming power of our sexual drives can sometimes make us unarticulate, brash and just plain daunting. You need to learn to channel your needs, to control your desires.

The first step is knowing yourself. In order to know yourself, you need to start loving yourself. Working on that will get you any girl that catches your eye. Then, all the ‘dating tips’ will become irrelevant.